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As a certified personal development coach, one of the things
that I consistently see in my clients is a total lack of spending any time with
themselves. Often, when given a list of
different values and asked to prioritize them, you will see most people will
put “Self” at the end.
In the short term, things are fine like this. Stretched out over time, however, the inevitable
end result is disillusionment, lack of energy, and frustration.
How do I know this? If you pour everything into everyone and
everything (work, kids sports, etc.) you will eventually reach the point where
you find that you haven’t done anything for yourself in quite a long time.
People will try to justify this saying that they are giving
everything to others, and wrap themselves in a shroud of nobility with the
statement.
Three questions.
1. What happens when you have nothing else to give? It is going to happen – you can’t run anything
on drained batteries. You need to
recharge yourself to be able to give.
Doing something for yourself is not being selfish – it actually will
allow you to be and do even better things for others.
2. What happens when
the people you are giving your all to either no longer need or want your help? Think empty nest syndrome here. It is no secret that almost all parents go
through this with their teenagers. You
want to help, but they are trying to break away and be independent. The giver is left alone with no sense of who
they really are – their identity has been tied into another instead of their
own.
3. Who are you? Short question, but how you answer this will
play a huge part in your happiness and success.
This
is where Antoinetta Vogels’ “Healthy Sense of Self” is going to be a game
changer for some people. This book is
both scholarly and readable, which isn’t always the case. In it, readers will find some of the thoughts
that they have are really thoughts that they have allowed others to put
there. Then there are the standard
demons of depression, insomnia, and addiction.
Self limiting beliefs are another gremlin that this book can help you
conquer.
The
end result?
“People
with a healthy Sense of themselves know what they want in life; they also know
their boundaries. That enables them to
come up with a plan for their living and their lives, and they are unlikely to
feel the need to higher authorities to do that for them. They certainly would not consider giving
their lives to people who then use them for their won purposes, just as their
self-absorbed, abusive parent used to do.
They are able to manage themselves and let their lives be an expression
of their own opinion and preferences.
They do not need to be rewarded for good behavior by a person who is
higher in rank for they intrinsically and sincerely know their own value.”
If
that one paragraph speaks to you, look into a “Healthy Sense of Self” to help
guide you to get to that end result.
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